Friends of the tribe, you’ll be relieved to hear these reasons why we think Rosh Hashanah is seven times better than traditional new years.
7. No countdown (well, except for this one).
Ten seconds has never felt so long…and so much like pre-school.
In reality, it begins a whole minute before midnight, when you’re stuck staring at the clock as seconds of your life pass you by (arguably also like pre-school).
Mwa. Ha. Ha.
6. No “Ball Drop Buddy” pressure.
There’s no last-minute scramble to find a kissing partner at midnight… which never really works out anyways, so then you have to settle for your dog, who’s already partially traumatized from wearing an uncomfortable plastic hat.
What? No one here’s done that?
…Good. ‘Cause neither have we.
5. No freezing outdoors.
No freezing your “kishkes” off in the dead of winter (RH is in the fall, baby!), screaming into a camera downtown amidst throngs of tweens, pretending you’re having the time of your life — when in reality, all you really, really want is to find a bathroom.
And then a bed.
4. No Rosh Hashanah walk of shame.
…Unless you count the walk you take from your fridge to dining room table, as you scarf down Mom’s delicious honey cake. Which technically doesn’t count, because there’s NO SHAME IN HONEY CAKE. EVER.
3. No shopping mall madness.
Guuurl, you got this. No stressing out about SDS (Same Dress Syndrome), where you show up to the party wearing the same dress because ALL OF THE STORES that time of year carry the same styles.
We just saved you from your next fashion debacle. You’re welcome.
2. No gym membership break-ups.
Remember that time you thought this was the year you’d get into shape? And so naturally you bought a year pass to LA Fitness, because dishing out cash would show the world — and yourself — that you’re serious this time ’bout that resolution, brah.
1. No super weird television specials.
Okay, so clearly our new years is the greatest thing since sliced challah. But it still doesn’t prove how you can start off 5777 with a lasting sense of fulfillment.
Learn the way to make resolutions that stick like honey at Se7en, our Rosh Hashanah Holiday Event.